her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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