saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
