Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
