my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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