He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
soo... how was my night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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