I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
