I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
