omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
