Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
