he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
