i would punch a child for taco bell
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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