how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
