Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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