Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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