I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
