I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
