When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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