1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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