seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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