I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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