I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ttyl tear gas
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
