I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
