For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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