Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
