Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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