You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
