but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
