i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
