he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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