I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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