I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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