He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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