Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
