I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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