This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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