so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
