He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
