I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's official drugs can't kill me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
