FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
