Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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