after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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