why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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