Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think your dad took our porno
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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