Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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