Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
