I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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