This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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