I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A+ Viking dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
