honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
