Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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