I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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