I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
