i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
