Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
