I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Its about making memories worth repressing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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