FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize