Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
