Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
