You work out of a Hotel?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
