good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
