Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
