So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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