I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
