nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
