I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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