My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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